A Toast to the 2009-10 Nashville Predators

Today, we honor the Nashville Predators…or as they are known to the casual hockey fan, “Oh yeah…I always forget about Nashville.”

Contrary to popular belief, there are fans that do hate us. They’re in Columbus. No, I’ve never seen a Columbus fan either.

The surprise of the year is that Nashville was eliminated from contention in the first round for the fifth straight time. Or…as they call it here in Nashville, “Doing more with less.” In fact, it seems that the harder you fall in the playoffs, the more credit you get for fighting a “hard fought series”. One can only imagine the parade down Broadway if the Predators got swept…a parade in recognition of their courageous and valiant effort of showing up in front of a 90% full arena.

No. You read that right. We didn’t sell out our first game. Some excuse about kids taking standardized tests. Because apparently every Predators fan is a parent of a child attending Nashville schools and has trouble acquiring a sitter.

You know who else didn’t buy tickets to the playoffs this year? That’s right…the Preds’ power play…a big 1-for-26 middle finger from the same coach that decided to partially blame the game 4 loss on Nashville’s fans. To make matters all the better, he called them out on TV, despite the fact that they were in the arena. Coach Horachek, there are 17,113 people there…15,000 of them have never heard of you. The other 2,113 think you are Darcy Hordichuk.

This is a team that earned 100 points the old-fashioned (read: boring) way. Trap, dump, chase, trap, dump, chase, trap, dump, chase, trap, power play, dump, chase, trap, lose puck, chase puck, dump, chase, breakaway, pass, lose puck, dump, chase, trap, dump, redirect pass, goal, dump, chase, trap.

As for our fanbase, there’s something to be said for a guy who is sitting right next to a guy whose jersey has his name on it and insists on calling him by his number. Why are you standing anyway, douchenozzle? And do you not understand the difference between the penalty box and “the bench”?

We are a fanbase that doesn’t quite grasp the concept of “teasing”. There are only about 80 of us, but if you even mention the A-word (it’s “attendance”, by the way) or the R-word (that one’s “relocation”), every single one of us will show up on your comments section whether or not your column was tongue-in-cheek and bore you to death with lease details, percentage figures, explanations of the difference between corporate ticket purchasers vs. individual ticket purchasers, and, of course, the ever-popular, “Those are the really expensive seats”, argument.

Did you know that Predators fans are classy? Far classier than any other group of fans in the league…and we’ll go out of our way to tell you that. And then we’ll remind you how, unlike athletes in other sports, Predators players  never get in trouble with the law. And no one in a Preds jersey would ever, ever do anything that could be qualified as “cheap”.

Did you know we beat Detroit 8-0 last year? No, really, we did. It’s like the single greatest moment in hockey history ever. How could you not have heard of it? In fact, I heard that the original name of the arena was going to be Nashville 8 – Detroit 0 Arena. Did you also know that this is an appropriate comeback to a Wings fan heckling a Predators fans with their 11 Stanley Cups?

Wings Fan: We’ve won 11 Stanley Cups.

Preds Fan: Oh yeah. Well, we beat you 8-0 last season.

You see, in Nashville, one regular season victory in February is the same as 11 Stanley Cups…as long as you win 8-0. And no, you may not see our regular-season-victory-to-Stanley-Cup equivalency table…we’ll just let you know if you bring it up in an argument…isn’t that right, Habs fans who we beat at home 6-1 in 1999 when we were really bad?

This season’s team was a team that held a lead on the road in the playoffs in a game that would have put them up 3-2 in the series. They held the lead with 13.8 seconds to go, the man advantage and an empty net. And they lost. They freaking lost. Or…as we call it in Nashville, they got “more done with less”. In this case, “more” was choking and “less” was not choking. Seriously…Bill Buckner winced at that ending.

It’s even worse because we were supposed to win that series. Why? Because we have Shea Weber and Ryan Suter…and they were in the OLYMPICS, dammit! And because we led the league this season in games in which 3 of our starting forwards wore Bauer skates, two had Easton sticks and one of our defensemen thought about a puppy 28 minutes before the faceoff. The fact that we lost to a city that was brought to its knees by a cow is simply unheard of.

So here’s a toast to you, Predators, for once again achieving more with less!

And don’t forget to tip your caddies.

8 Comments

  1. Brooke

    April 27, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    Love This! Well done.

  2. Jutin

    April 27, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    Love it and I can’t wait to be an official part of 303, Row M next season guys!

  3. Paul Nicholson

    April 27, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    Absolutely freaking brilliant. I love the reference to Horachek/Hordichuk. They do even kinda look alike, huh?

  4. Pingback: Crashing the Crease: Savard Returns and Hawks-Canucks Gear Up for Rematch | The Hockey Writers

  5. Capt4Chris

    April 27, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    And the point of this article is….?

    • John

      April 28, 2010 at 12:36 pm

      Making the fanbase feel better about their first round choke job.

      • Patten Fuqua

        April 28, 2010 at 12:41 pm

        Err. What part gave you that impression?

  6. Kip

    April 28, 2010 at 10:51 am

    How can you not understand the point of this article?

    ps. JOOEEEEE WWAAAAARRDDDDDDDD!!!!