Pre-Game Smack Talk: Detroit Red Wings

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Modano: Material Girl

“Maybe the league expanded too much too quickly. It created a lot of jobs, but when you look back, there are maybe four or five teams that shouldn’t have been in it.” - Mike Modano, interview with the New York Times, 2004

“Maybe five of the teams shouldn’t be here. Nashville, Carolina, they jumped the gun too soon.” - Mike Modano, interview with Minneapolis Star-Tribune, 2004.

“That wouldn’t pay for my dog’s food for a month.” - Mike Modano, in reference to a $400 per week UHL salary.

Poor Mike Modano. Poor, poor pitiful Mike Modano.

You think Dan Ellis has problems? Mike Modano invented problems.

Mike is so strapped for cash that when forced to choose between supporting his wife and supporting his dog, he sent his wife off to Hugh Hefner to make some money. That was probably a healthy decision, since no one in the family is going to make any money in music or acting.

It must pain him so to come to the city in which he feels that hockey shouldn’t exist…especially after the franchise that he was with for 22 years decided that he himself should no longer exist.

“We won the Cup!”

Is there a bigger doofus on the planet than the Red Wings fan when his or her team is losing?

“You may be beating us 8-0, but who won the Cup?”

Um, the Blackhawks, nimrod.

There’s never a date specified and, generally, this insult is thrown out when the Wings did NOT win the most recent Stanley Cup Final.

Remember, you could have 200 Stanley Cups wins – unless you have replicas of them stacked in front of your goal, they’re not going to affect the outcome of the game. If number of Cups won was equivalent to performance on the ice, the Maple Leafs would be the second best team in the league. The fact of the matter is, the past is just that – the past. If you’re getting your butts kicked in the present, Lord Stanley isn’t going to save you.

The Lions Suck

Word on the street is that all of Detroit’s woes stem from the city trying to divide the number of Red Wings Cup wins by Lions Super Bowl appearances. The subsequent chaos from Detroit attempting to divide by zero has sent the city into an epic spiral from which they are only now beginning to recover.

Chelios is a Sissy, Even in Retirement

Enough said.

17 Comments

  1. T-rav

    March 19, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Oh Im linking this to my Detroit fans!!! Too good!!

  2. Mark Hollingsworth

    March 19, 2011 at 9:24 am

    Amen!

    Several more reasons:

    -Bertuzzi is a bleeder.

    -Red rhymes with Ted…and Nugent makes us ill.

    -The color of their uni’s matches the shade of their lipstick.

    -A wing sticking out of a tire? No wonder the foreigners have built better automobiles.

    -The Salvation Army called…they want their Santa suits back.

    • Dan

      March 19, 2011 at 12:58 pm

      More like Bertuzzi shouldn’t even be allowed to play hockey anymore…

  3. dylan

    March 19, 2011 at 9:43 am

    These smack talk posts are great. Not only funny, but I find I learn a little something along the way. The “divide by zero” part was great.

  4. Roger Abramson

    March 19, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Bottom line for Red Wings fans (well, a lot of them anyway): win or lose, Cup or no Cup, you still have to live in Detroit. So, in the game of life, we still come out ahead.

    • Flubber

      March 19, 2011 at 10:10 pm

      Lets talk hockey…When it comes to that, you have no defense….The slams about Detroit are actually funny!! We are used to them….Even in the salary cap world, we have more Cups than you!!! Is it about smack talk or Cups?…I will take winning…. So long from HOCKEYTOWN!!!

  5. Ryan

    March 19, 2011 at 10:31 am

    I think booing every time modano touches the puck would be extremely appropriate

  6. Flubber

    March 19, 2011 at 11:29 am

    When you are the King(Red Wings),the inferior will all take shots at you!!! Get NHL center ice and watch the Wings away games,some places it is like they are playing at THE JOE!!!!! No Nashville jerseys in the crowd at your away games?????

  7. Roger Abramson

    March 19, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Not so much, because we like the place we live. True enough: if I lived in or around Detroit, I would leave every chance I got. Hell, I’d even go to a Lions away game.

  8. Ryan

    March 19, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    Anytime I hear a wings fan defend their teams loss by saying “we have cups” I can’t help but laugh

  9. jesse

    March 20, 2011 at 3:53 am

    lol flubber is butt hurt i still have fond memories of fluery destroying yalls last hopes a few years back ..cup revenge penguins owned you no back to back for you oh and we got the cup last :P

  10. Jamie

    March 20, 2011 at 7:20 am

    As I see Red Wing fans leave for their smoke breaks at Intermission I always debate if their IQ is higher than the Speed limit. The Speed limit is higher most times.

  11. Jamie

    March 20, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    Whenever I hear fans of a team such as Nashville bag on the Red Wings, I think “awww, isn’t that cute?”

    It’s like a whiney little boy yelling at and teasing his accomplished older brother because he worries he will never be that good. Nashville has what, 6 playoff wins total, EVER?

    It’s actually a good sign for Detroit to have so many haters. Nashville doesn’t have as many haters because Nashville isn’t a threat to *anyone*. People only hate on teams who pose an actual threat. Trust me, we take it as a compliment here in Detroit for you to bag on our team. You won’t hear most Wings fans hate on teams like Nashville, because well? That’s like kicking a puppy.

    People like to get personal by using insults that capitalize on the economic downturn in Detroit, and you really have to wonder what kind of lowlife does that to prove their team of choice is superior, especially when it’s abundantly clear that they aren’t.

  12. Matt

    March 22, 2011 at 9:54 am

    the wings have made it to the playoffs 19 seasons in a row and 20 years if you count the lockout. they are going to make the playoffs this year as well. no other professional sports team has made the playoffs that many years in a row in their respective sport. detroit sucks big time.

  13. What???

    March 22, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    Wow you’re pitiful. 19 strait, going on 20 seasons in playoffs. Beat the dead kitties twice in the playoffs. 11 cups. Countless president’s trophies. Meanwhile, the kitties haven’t won one playoff series–forget a cup–the highest they’ve finished is sixth in conference in the regular seasons whereas Wings, up until last year, Wings had fiinished in the top four every year since 1992. Even Pete and Terry, every time they play the Wings, and Trotz admit that the Wings are a standard.

    I love the Preds–but come on, a team which hasn’t won a playoff series saying that a team which won 11 cups sucks? You guys are laughing stocks.

  14. Flubber

    April 5, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Was there a wake going on at the GAYlord Center on Saturday? You need to will your team to victory by making some noise, Nasville Pussycats fans!! Pretty noisy when your team was up but when your team needed that extra player(you fans) you must have gone and got some nachos or something!!! Didn’t hear section 303 back up here in HOCKEYTOWN!!! Cmon, we will give you another chance in the payoffs!! Learn from your mistakes, though….