Anaheim: Home of Walt Disney’s Frozen Head

WaltDisney

The Orange County Register. It’s a real newspaper. It’s not an alt-weekly (sorry, JR). It’s not a fan site. It’s not a blog like this one. No, it’s a real, honest-to-goodness legitimate newspaper.

Yet somehow, somebody’s editor let someone publish this.

Going point by point, this is what Jeff Miller – a real journalist – has to say about Nashville, which he calls “Trashville”…which is really the only part of the piece that has anything to do with Nashville:

  • Hee Haw wasn’t funny.
  • Hee Haw wasn’t funny.
  • Shoney’s sells fried food.
  • A person who was not a country singer was not a member of a country music organization.
  • Nashvillians have no teeth.
  • Apparently, Tennessee is in Alabama.
  • The Titans have never won a Super Bowl.
  • Jim Varney was annoying.
  • This article brought to you by Extenze
  • The old Country Music Hall of Fame didn’t have plumbing.
  • Cracker Barrel is cluttered.
  • Billy Ray Cyrus is a singer.
  • Miley Cyrus was once photographed with a fat man.

That’s it. Big setup, no finish. Jim Rome has one rule for his callers – have a take and don’t suck. Mr. Miller, you neither had a take nor lacked suckage.

Of course, you expect a response…so here is your response…

The top reasons that Nashville is better than Anaheim…

  • Anaheim’s top employer is rodent-based.
  • The following institutions of higher-learning are located in the city of Anaheim:
  • Walt Disney’s frozen head is rumored to be buried at center ice of the Honda Center.
  • Your mascot accidentally set himself on fire. Seriously.
  • Your football team left for the friendlier confines of East St. Louis.
  • Finally, this is Anaheim’s most famous native…Rebecca, when is Game 2?

19 Comments

  1. Stevio51

    April 12, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    Boom!

  2. JR

    April 12, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    I discover this as I’m writing the Nashville Scene (an alt-weekly, not a real newspaper) response to Mr Miller…fortunately we don’t tread too much of the same ground. Except for Rebecca Black.

  3. CD

    April 12, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    HEY-O!

    Thank you for this response. I almost cried from laughing.

  4. Rachael

    April 12, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    DANGGG! MY PREDS KNOW HOW TO FIGHT BACK!

  5. Dawson Higgs

    April 12, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    This guy can’t be serious. Obviously he’s never been to, nor met anyone from, Nashville. I searched for his actual article earlier and couldn’t find it. Hopefully his 5 year old son told him how idiotic it was when he proofread it and convinced ole’ Jeff to take it down. What a joke of a person

  6. Colton Rahn

    April 12, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    This guy is scum. No wonder California people get a bad rep. Hoping for a Preds sweep more than ever now – little did they know, they picked the wrong team to mess with.

  7. Kristyn Pascal

    April 12, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    Nashville pride representttt! Rebecca Black… the worst singer of life. And Anaheim is proud of that? Reason why they hate the music city is because they’re all tone deaf.

  8. Vipe29

    April 12, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    303 Fight Card:

    Jeff Miller – 1
    Patten Fuqua – 8

    The power of Limited research, when used correctly.

  9. Cathie_AK27

    April 12, 2011 at 10:34 pm

    Well done P. I just came from nashville and didn’t see anything of the likes that this “journalist” wrote about. What a fool.

  10. realist

    April 12, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    As an OCer….loved the response. As someone whose loved the game of hockey for close to 30 years I can say without question that Preds fans have to be better then Ducks fans. Not praising Preds fans per se, but without knowing anything about Preds fans I know for sure there is no worse fan then that of the Ducks. Great article.

  11. CariRenee

    April 12, 2011 at 11:00 pm

    Now THIS is how you eviscerate someone in printed word….. OH SNAP! :)

    I was once known to have a ‘poison keyboard’, Mr. Fuqua. I seriously bow to your superior skills and pass you the torch…. or… ‘keys’… as the case may be.

    Bring on the webbed footed, quacking, feathered masses.

    We got this.

  12. hairmetalhenry

    April 13, 2011 at 7:19 am

    as the great Hobson said Mr Miller you obviously have a wonderful economy with words. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness.
    ever wonder why the 405 to LA is so damn crowded? So people can get out of the OC to go have some fun. they ought to call the place Pogoville. every one is always hopping tyring to pull that huge stick out of their ass. As for your blockbuster entertainment with the Hills and Real housewives of OC, epic tv. that is if you are a plastic surgeon critiquing botched jobs. I suppose University of Phoenix had journalist degrees back in the day. But then again he would probably tell me he graduated from Columbia. I will assume the bowling ball manufacturer on that one.

  13. tmmvol

    April 13, 2011 at 11:24 am

    Oh, Patten, my Patten. The man who gave us “We Are Nashville” gives us “We are STILL Nashville!”

    Thank you!

    GO PREDS!

  14. EMILIO ESTAVEZ

    April 13, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    phuck a duck !

  15. Mark Hollingsworth

    April 13, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Yeah, when I think of hockey, I think of angry, stick-wielding mallards.

    Somebody harm Anaheim!
    ANYbody harm Aneheim!
    EVERYBODY harm Anaheim!

    Go get ‘em Patten.

  16. Russell

    April 14, 2011 at 9:26 am

    I hope all the Preds got a copy of Miller’s trash. Judging from the results of game one maybe they did.

  17. mark

    April 15, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    apparantly tennessee is in alabama???……wow…….you’re as much an idiot as the Miller guy….lets defend ourselves from someone belittling by belittling someone else…..

    • Patten Fuqua

      April 15, 2011 at 2:37 pm

      I was wondering when one of Anaheim’s empty seats would show up.

  18. OneTimer

    April 15, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    i love Rebecca Black. if loving her is wrong, i dont wanna be right.