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Section303.com’s Nashville Guide to Hockey Lingo

It is again Stanley Cup Playoff time in Nashville, and that means there will be lots of trendy folks attending games who would not normally darken the door of Bridgestone Arena during the regular season. You know the type—the ones who need to be seen at all the cool events. It also means many “casual fans” who normally never pay attention to the Predators, will now attempt to become experts
so they can make clever quips and engage in banter around the water cooler at work after an exciting triple overtime win in April.

So, for those who want to be a bit more clued-in about the parlance of the rink, here are some pointers:

  • “The original six” does not does not refer to the first half dozen members of The Grand Ol’ Opry.
  • “Stacking the pads” does not mean stocking the shelves of feminine hygiene products at Kroger.
  • “Saucer pass” is not a UFO flying over the trailer park.
  • “Getting chippy” doesn’t refer to the build-up of sawdust down at the mill.
  • “Power play” does not refer to Bill Haslam trying to push a bill through the state senate.
  • “Wrap around” does not refer to the trendy shades they like to wear in the $95 seats.
  • “Zamboni” is not a tropical island off the coast of east Africa.
  • “Lost his edge” does not mean he’s become less aggressive.
  • “Chirping” is hardly the melodious whistling of birds.
  • “Fore checking” is not a quadruple account at AmSouth Bank.
  • “Hitting the post” does not refer to backing your Dodge Ram into the parking barrier at Mapco.
  • “Icing” is not what you find on the top of Dolly Madison cup cakes.
  • “Wrist shot” is not slang for a form of self-gratification.
  • “Face wash” has nothing to do with oxe-cuting your zits.
  • “Slashing” does not refer to O.J. Simpson’s running style nor his murder technique.
  • “Mucker” is not a hair lip kid pronouncing the “F word.”
  • “Finishing your checks” does not refer to eating all of your breakfast cereal.
  • “Hat trick” has nothing to do with David Copperfield and his stylish collection of chapeaus.
  • “Tripping” doesn’t occur from hash-laced brownies.
  • “Two on one rush” does not refer to Geddy Lee and Alex Lifeson beating up on Neil Peart.
  • “Five hole” does not refer to one of the orifices of the human skull.
  • “Deke” is not the nickname of your third cousin from McMinnville.
  • “Camping out at the door step” doesn’t refer to the hillbillies on the porch on “Hee Haw.”
  • “Hip check” does not refer to a really cool closing move in chess.
  • “Glove side” doesn’t mean Michael Jackson’s right arm.
  • “Stick work” is not teaching your retriever how to go fetch.
  • “Red line” is not the strip across your forehead from not wearing sunscreen at the Charlotte 500.
  • “Splitting the defense” is not two lawyers working on the same case.
  • “Line change” does not refer to Rainn Wilson arguing about dialogue improvements on “The Office.”
  • “Save” does not refer to the Altar Call at First Primitive Baptist Church last Sunday morning.
  • “Top shelf” is not where your momma keeps the peanut butter.
  • “Wide open in the slot” is not referring to Sharon Stone’s police interrogation scene in “Basic Instinct.”
  • “Dropping the gloves” does not refer to fork-lifting a skid load of baseball mits at Wal*Mart.
  • “Snap shot” does not refer to your Kodak instamatic.
  • “Face off” is not the horribly confusing movie featuring John Travolta and Nicholas Cage.
  • “Trailer” is not the place where your ex-mother-in-law lives.
  • “Short handed” does not refer to the stumpy, child-like digits on the hands of those tiny midgets (bless their little hearts).
  • “C” on a player’s uniform does not stand for “cute.”
  • “A” on a player’s uniform does not stand for “available.”
  • “Break out” is not referring to your Uncle Cletus’s recent attempt to shorten his 3-5 year stay in Tullahoma.
  • “Grinder” is not something to pulverize coffee beans.
  • “Linesman” is not the subject of the old Glen Campbell song about a county electrical employee.
  • “Shift” does not refer to your four to midnight slot at the plant.
  • “Cycling the puck” is not an homage to the obnoxious bicycle courier character from the second season of The Real World.
  • “Goal judge” is not a career counselor who assesses your future plans.
  • “Nailing someone” does not refer to having a racy rendezvous at The Boundry.
  • “Agitator” is not the pumping device inside your Maytag.
  • “Second line” does not refer to a queue of socialites waiting to get into a boffo new night spot on Second Avenue.
  • “Lord Stanley’s Cup” is not groin protection worn by a British dandy.
  • “Winger” does not refer to that fab late 80s MTV stubble-faced hair band.
  • “Running around” does not refer to cheating on one’s spouse.
  • “One timer” is not a 60 second clock used for cooking eggs.
  • “In the crease” does not refer to those hard-to-get-out stains in pleated pants.
  • “Four on four” is not a double tag team match in The World Wrestling Federation.
  • “Skating room” does not refer to ‘Couples Only’ at the roller rink in Brentwood.
  • “Do ya wanna go?” is not an invitation to the prom.
  • “Throwing snow” is not shoveling the white stuff out of your driveway.
  • “Flying through the zone” is not a flight from Eastern Time to Mountain Time.
  • “Blue line” is not the mark on your rib cage from leaning over the bar.
  • “Net” is not what is left over after expenses are recouped at your Billy Ray Cyrus promotion at the Tri-County Agridome.
  • “Body check” is not a full cavity search at Nashville International airport upon your return from Cancun.
  • “Hooking” is not what your step-sister, Loretta, does for extra cash.
  • “Shoot” is not what religious kids say after missing an empty net.
  • “Flopping” does not refer to the description of Chris Gaines’ magnificent album.
  • “Clearing the puck” is not referring to when the obnoxious character from “The Real World” was booted out of the house.
  • “Changing on the fly” is not how you get out of your work clothes in the back of your Impala.
  • “Biscuit” is not what’s served with pasty gravy at Hardees.
  • “One timer” is not referring to Ricky Van Shelton’s hit catalogue in the past decade.
  • “Go to guy” is not a 20-something uncle who gets beer at the 7-Eleven for his teenage nephews.
  • “Sniper” is not your buddy who bagged a five point buck from his fave tree stand.
  • “Shaft” is not the well that your baby cousin Jim Bob got trapped in.
  • “Charging” is not how you financed your double-wide.
  • “Boarding” is not the announcement before departure at the Greyhound Station.
  • “Double minor” is not Rob Lowe’s dream date scenario.
  • “Plus/Minus” is not the feelings of ambivalence you have towards your kin.
  • “High sticking” is not seeing who can spit the most chew on the ceiling.
  • “Sin bin” is not the quarters-only video booth at Adult World.
  • “Crashing the net” is not Jimmie Johnson scraping the protective fence at Talladega.
  • “Blue ice” is not one of “them new-fangled” mixed drinks with an umbrella in it.
  • “Over the boards” is not what a struggling foreigner says to explain someone falling off a ship.
  • “Division” is not a mathematical concept beyond the reach of most Alabamans.
  • “Chopper” is not the Harley Hog your deranged nephew Booger tools around in.
  • “Odd Man Rush” is not the title of the one-man play about the life and times of the corpulent right-wing political pundit.

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PHOTO CREDIT: Jeremy K. Gover